ISO the perfect fuck.

Really?  Is it too much to ask?  I need to be fucked....and fucked hard.  I want to orgasm so hard I cry, then pass out.  I want it rough...a little painful...and I want to beg for more.  But do I get any of this?????  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...I either get some young boy who wants me to be his mommy...or a Dom who sounds promising, but has a little dick.  It's fucking rediculous.  These men who think they know everything about a woman know virtually nothing!  I'm really getting discouraged.

Ok...I feel better now.

fuck off

Birth.

Every child is a miracle.  Brihanna Nancy Murphy born September 21st, 2010.  4lbs 3oz.

I love being a grandma!

Last one for C

with peaceful smile, in fetal pose,
quite the angel when asleep
no vicious, mean or hateful words
that cut my heart so deep

when you're awake you're different
there's things I know you hide
or try to but I see right through
your lies I can't abide

you thro diversions up at me
I'm silent, yet I know
your indiscretions obvious
in accusations you throw
10/19/94

fin

fantasy vs the real

The love that I once felt for you
first turned to pain, then rage
Now that's gone, too. I feel nothing.
It's time to turn the page.

I gave you everything I had
My pride and dignity
I gave it all to be with you
What did you give to me?

You gave me insecurity
You gave me jealousy
low slef-esteem, dependency
I took them willingly

I was so blinded by my love
I let you take control
A big mistake, I see that now
I understand your goal

Your aim is total dominance
you severed all my ties
with friends and with my family
No one can hear my cries

Spirit broken, you'd reconstruct
My new identity
The perfect mate, the ideal wife
a doll with wind-up key

Your plan was nearly a success
Thank god I saw the light
My eyes are wide open
My spirit burning bright

Please let me go, it's all over
Release your hold on me
Your beatings, verbal and with fists
Can't stop my heart...
                it's free

Lust is only temporary

     Your touches are so fine
You know all the right places
     You drive me outta my mind
and fill in all the right spaces
     You run your hand down my thigh
My eyes open wide, my heart races.

fucking musicians

Sitting in a shroud of silence
While the boys in the rage on
My focus is the body
I want to ravage all night long
The more I am around him
The more he drives me wild
I want him more than ever
to take me, treat me like a child, beat me, spank me.  I've been a very naughty girl.

Bitter....table of one.

I've been waiting for this opportunity
          for almost all my life
To mold a man the way
     I want him to be
          intentions being that
               I will be his wife.

"That was so rude, dear!"
     "How could you do this to me?"
I'll teach him to do what's right, not wrong
          if he wants to be seen with me!
                    Do this!  Don't do that!
                    Nag Nag Nag
it's the price ya gotta pay.
          just you wait and see

Just do everything I say
                         if ya wanna be with me.

                                      Buy me a car, sweetheart
       

I hate rockstars.

I try so hard to not give in
Won't let my feelings show
How much I crave the way you fuck
You'll never, ever know

After the act is over
You dress, kiss me then go
Home to your wife
I'm left alone
But you'll be back
I know.

The musician

Your hands caressed my shoulders
My pulse began to soar
You kissed my neck, my knees grew weak
as you pulled me to the floor.

I felt your tongue go down my thigh
From my throat arose a moan
My mind reeled in ecstasy
A kind I've never known.

I felt the wetness 'tween my legs
Begged you to enter me
And when you did, my God of Lust
You set my passions free

Fire & ice engulfed me
I gazed into your eyes
They revealed to me the urgency
The rood of all men's lies

crush

with one love gone
i seek another
this last, he failed
the next, his brother
there'll be a spark
at first i pray
true love will come
a future day
my heart, it bleeds
for loves gone by
the wounds won't heal
until i die
for death i waite
can bear no more
fate's dealt my hand
i'll go a whore
its not so bad
i've left my mark
time for my journey
into the dark

good night, sweet prince

Cheating

I miss the warmness of your flesh
as yo lay on top of me
we create the heat all lovers do
a secret no other eye can see

I can't come out and tell you
your touch is what I crave
your favors are not mine to ask
thus so, I must behave

And so, for now, our times are rare
my memories keep me sane.
till fate sees fit, we must abide
then joy will replace pain

disappointment

I refuse to be obsessed with you
I won't give up my soul
Too many times I tried to love
The heartache took its toll
Yet I hold tightly to my faith
taking each day one by one
"till destiny brings him to me
and my search for love is done
Be patient with me, don't give up
I need to take the time
to see if you're the man for me..
give an ending to this rhyme.

Falling in love with Curly

Love me with your eyes...

touch me, feel me, kiss me.

Listen to my sighs...

hear me, want me, need.

Look thru' my disguise...

see me, understand me.

Stay till I grow wise...

teach me, help me, love me.

The One

In my heart there is much pain

Attempts to mend are all in vain

One day soon this pain will fade

Then you will see this love you've made

For something you don't realize

It's love you see when you look into my eyes

My heart beats fast when I hear your name

and 'tho I've had others

its' just not the same

So I beg of you, take me now

and make love to me

My heart shall be yours

for all eternity

I Love You

Missing Brad

Lying nest to your empty pillow, I close my eyes and imagine you...what you're doing,
who you're taking to, what you are thinking.  I remember your face when I walked out the door.
I wondered what to do, where I was going, who I'd be with,
and what I would do without you.  I open
my eyes and realize that you're gone now.  I know that we are through.

Curly...in the very beginning

My heart's confused. You entered.  You're here.
My love's for you as long as your near.
Sometimes you are gone.  I've no idea where.
I wonder...Are you thoughts of me? 
Do you really care?
You say, "ten minutes".  It's now been an hour.
My heart feels too much pain
So love me either now or
Never

He

Late one night, feelin' alright
          He kissed me.
Holding me tight, I can't fight
          He kissed me
I'm high as a kite, hearts feeling light
          He kissed me
My love for him has reached a new height
          He kissed me


day, excitement.  night, love.
month, alone, two.  passing.
fight.  confusion.  love.
arrival.  lust.  confusion.
love, two, want, no.

night, shadows, voices, touching, passion, heat, love, later.

Moses.

In Lincoln Park we met, destined to be together forever
Binded by our love.
Throughout my travels my love for him will never deminish
For it is within my heard and soul,
my dedication to him
He is the happiness I have been
searching for, and
I need for this man to feel the same way.

One night stand

To you

I know not what I'm feeling

too early, yet, to tell

Something's stirring deep inside me

disturbs my thoughts as well

That night we spent together

brought magic to my soul

Your touch set me on fire

melted broken heart to whole.

My dream is to recapture

the way we felt that night

And believe me when I say to you,

"Two wrongs can make a right"

unknown

As I grow up and you grow old

My love for you I'll always hold

Deep in my heart. for now I know

You're love for me will never show

You broke my heart, I will survive

Tho' I'll never doubt while I'm alive

My reasons for loving you.

Dedicated to the man of my dreams:

He's so sweet, so gentle and nice;
he's cute and funny and very smart.

When he looks at me twice with
his baby blues,

I simply steals my heart

after the Magic is gone

I need to be in love again,

I'm feeling so alone.

Maybe someone will visit me,

or call me on the phone.

I want to feel passion again.

To feel my knees go weak,

To lose grasp of my sanity,

to the unknown man I seek.

I want the heat of sinful sex,

to feel him inside me.

Our secret play we carry out,

where no one else can see.

Excitement lasts a week, no more.

The flame of lust soon dies.

I'm left alone behind these walls,

and no one hears my cries.

bitter

Everytime I meet someone
Whom I could maybe love
The warmest feeling engulfs me
Like something from above
I need so much to love a man
And know that he loves me
To glow with joy at the sweet thought
Of our tru harmony.
Too bad all men are slimey pigs
Who use you up and then...
Cast you aside like old condoms
I think I'll take up Zen.

To Marc

I still remember, late one night
You kissed my lips & held me tight.
I said, "I love you". You said, "That's bull"!
Do you make me out to be a fool?
You don't love me, you lust, that's all
How could you expect for me to fall
In love with you? Oh can't you see?
I simply want you & you simply want me".

Lost Poetry

All the following poems were written by me before I became the unfortunate realist I am now.   I thought LOVE was the key to Happiness.  Not the love you feel for your family..but the BIG Love..the kind that captures your heart, mind and soul.  The Love that consumes every waking moment.  The outside world does not matter if you find this "Love".  Wow...was I a dumbass! 
Anyway, enjoy the following poems...they are simple, but amusing and kinda sad.

Each one represents an experience with MAN.  Was I obsessed or what? 

Much Luv...
Asil

Out of Klamath Falls

The summer I turned 8 we packed up and moved to Lewiston, Idaho.  From what I understand, Dad and Martha (mostly Martha) were trying to keep us kids away from Connie.  For some reason she had been given visitation rights and was actually trying to see us!  I know Martha wasn't having any of that shit.  She was (and probably still is) very jealous of Connie.  I'm sure she manipulated Dad into thinking it was our best interest to remove Connie's influence from our lives.
I didn't see or hear from Connie for the next 7 years.
My memories of Lewiston are all pleasant and very middle-class.  We walked to Whitman Elementary.  I remember getting into trouble in the third grade.  One particular instance landed me held after school for fighting.  I don't remember the fight...but I remember standing in the corner after school...and as soon as the teacher left the room, I bolted out the door and ran home.  Nothing after that...
And so we lived...school, playing with my brothers and sister...getting in trouble..normal stuff.
During Sumer Breaks we rode our bikes to the community pool, took swimming lessons., tennis lessons, etc.  I loved packing a lunch and spending the day at the park by the library with a good book.    We also went to the Boy's Club for crafts and to play in the gym.  Seems like we did all sorts of activities to get us out of the house.  Hmmmm...wonder who's idea that was?


I'm done for today....on to Jr. High tomorrow.
xoxo

Who are my parents?

My father is a "mountain man".  He should have been born 100 years ago.  Born and raised in Souther Oregon, my father has extensive knowledge regarding wildlife, forests, plants, birds and all things related.  When he traps for muskrats, he knows where they eat and where they live.  He sets his traps where they will kill the most effeciently and humanely.  Our family relied on his income from trapping during the winter.  When my Father goes hunting, it's not for sport or for a trophy.  It's for food.  Sure, he enjoys the challenge of the hunt..but he has never killed just for the sake of killing.  I've eaten wild game all my life and love it! 
At the age of 18, my Father enlisted in the Marines and left Klamath Falls.  When he returned, three years later, he moved back in with his parents, Harold and Marion Freeman (Marion was his step-mother).  While he was away, his parents had become foster parents for the state.  Their charge at the time of my Father's return was 16 year old Connie Irene Reyes.  I do not know the circumstances that brought her into the foster care system, nobody has ever spoke on it to any of us kids.  What I do know is that my Father and Connie dated, or at least had sex...at least once.  While only 16 and a sophmore in High School, Connie gave birth to me.  I do not know if they got married before or after I was born..but I know that I was the reason they had to get married.  
My brother, Todd, came 11 months later, and my sister, Laura, 13 months after Todd.   Dad moved us out of Klamath Falls to Merrill..population maybe 50.   I have no memory of the time of my life and neither of my parents are eager to talk about what went on.  All I know is that Connie left.  She left my Father with three babies.  Don't know why, don't know where she went, don't really fuckin care about any of the specifications.  I just know our "mother" abandoned us.  In a way, I suppose I can understand why she left.  Shit, she was 18 and had nothing to do with her life except take care of her 3 needy children.  I am empathetic to her situation...but cannot say I forgive her.   I have questions that need to be answered and she has never offered any details or explanation.  
My Father went on to marry Martha Mary Gober.  She was the babysitter he hired after Connie left.  Don't know the details of how that came to be, either...
I should probably take a moment to explain the lack of info on my behalf.  For generations, the Freeman family has refrained from any communication nor explination  regarding anyone's past history.  It's just not talked about.  Kinda sad.   I have almost no memories of my childhood.  Maybe I blocked them, maybe I just wasn't paying attention, or maybe there was nothing I needed to remember. 
When dad got married to Martha, I was 4 years old.  Martha told me sometime later that I my personality had already developed,.  I made up my own mind...did what I wanted...and there was nothing she could do to change me.  I'm kinda proud that despite the lack of parental guidance, I learned to be independant.  Not the most promising way to grow up..it would have been nice to have some parental advice available to me, but I think I turned out just fine.
Connie want on to due here thing..
Dad and Martha set out to raise 3 kids (my brother Kirk came 2 years later.

This is all I can endure for today.  My ass hurts and I am emotionally exhausted. 
Later fuckers!

About the author

Born: 7/11/1962
Where:  Klamath Falls, Oregon
I currently live in Maple Valley, Washington.